Father, I wanna say thank you - Demi Lovato

 Hi to you,

I'm writing this with so much sadness in my heart. My father, the man of my life, my confidant, my best friend, my world, is sick. I don't know how to deal with the sadness in my heart. I try to stay strong for him, my siblings and my mother but when I'm alone, I can't help but break down. It's in those situations that I wonder how a bad bitch would react if these types of situations present themselves in her life. Would she break down and feel an actual heartache the way I do right now? Or would she not care and continue on with her life?

When life events like these happen to me, that's when I realize that I'll probably never be a strong, bad ass bitch. I will forever be a doormat, because I have a heart and I have feelings. But worst of all, my worst trait is that I have a weakness. And my weakness is my family. When something happens to them, it's like all of the efforts I've put into trying to control my emotions, my feelings, my priorities go down the drain. Because let's face it, I am weak. And I'm the weakest around my parents.

My father has always been sick. He's had a heart disease ever since I was a child. There was even a time that the doctors had told him he had 6 months to live because of his obesity and all of the health problems that encountered. Thankfully, he took care of his physical health and lost so much weight that the doctors couldn't believe that this was the same person who had come into their office a few months prior. My daddy had always been my hero, but after that accomplishment, I couldn't have been prouder of him ♡

I've brought a lot of hardship on my dad, and for that I will forever feel guilty. The poor man was always there for me, day and night when I was going through the worst time of my life. My father and I have the same love languages (words of affirmation and physical touch), so I've always felt extremely loved by my dad. In those hardships, he was the one that I had felt the most love from. When I was crying and sobbing and wanting to give everything up, he was the one who took my hand and went on a walk with me for 3 hours straight so he could listen to me and give me advice. There is no man like my father, he is and will forever be the first man in my life that I've ever loved with all of my heart unconditionally ♡

Seeing the man of my life break down the way he did today on his hands and knees, crying and screaming from all the pain he was feeling, that is an image I will never forget. My once strong daddy and my superhero is now older and sicker, and he is hurting. And there is nothing that I can do except watch him suffer. I sit next to him while he's in pain, and I stare at him with tears in my eyes and no words coming out of my mouth. I don't even know what to say to him. There are no words to make him feel better, so I don't say anything. I hold his hand while he's in pain and I keep my mouth shut.

I don't think a bad bitch in my situation would react the same way. She would find a solution, or have the right words to say. Or she wouldn't care about it... It's in those moments that I realize, I still have a long way to go.